"Layman Damien of the Cross?"

I know most in our community squirm at such things as titles, making it about one's self, etc..., but since we also like to test out being outside our comfort zones-- well, here goes! My previous blog confessed my lack of peace. More than one book I've been reading has mentioned St. John of the Cross. St. John of the Cross was known for (among other things) the phrase "dark night of the soul". This referred to times of struggle regarding one's sinfulness in relationship to God. This is a time where God's mercy is not the focal point, but instead God's judgment. These times are moments in a Christian's journey where he/she may theologically acknowledge that God disciplines instead of punishes, but doesn't feel that this is necessarily justice, & that they deserve punishment, not mere discipline. What's so dark about this dark night of the soul is one's sense of unworthiness eclipses sound doctrine. There's also the irony that a moment where you fear punishment the most is at this time where you'd totally understand if the Lord made an exception in your case and allowed the bad things that are bound to happen in any given life, not be something that makes you stronger (which is His M.O.), but weakens you so you have no illusions about His distaste for you at this point in time (yes, I know Nietzsche was an atheist). Additionally, there is a good bit about no longer feeling the Lord's presence, when normally one has been.
Though this is descriptive of much more agony than my lack of peace, the roots are blatantly the same. Blatantly. The love we are immersed in at D.F. can counter-balance some of this. Hermits! Man, ya gotta love 'em. There is evidence, however, that Dear John may've experienced this while at a monastery. I still feel the Lord's presence. Or, for the skeptical blog reader, I'm still so incredibly aware of the existence of God at all times, I call that God's presence. Yet, I'm increasingly guilty over how I don't measure-up. My repetition of the same ol' sin(s) wearing down my faith that it's not about my letting my inner Christ take care of it, but that there is the unknown factor of just what does that mean in contrast to personal responsibility.
Buy Bonds & get your kids on a Christian form of Yoga TODAY!
P.S.
Learn your Yoga positions fist before
joining Palates-- masseuse friend of mine :)